Reminded To Live and Love

relationship bridge building
Rebuilding a connection with another person

A dear friend of mine, Christina, died this week and as I went to her funeral yesterday with my partner several thoughts were foremost in my mind, aside from the loss of her from this mortal sphere. One was a deep reminder of the importance of living in the moment and making the most of what life has to offer, particularly my connection with others.

Avoidance happens all too often when we have conflict or have experienced hurt with others. While not addressed, there is wasted energy that goes towards maintaining the protections we erect against being hurt again, particularly by those we have cared about. Not only do we lose capacity to connect with the other person but we also deny or disown to some extent that part of us that actually cares about and loves that person. We deny that part of us because we don’t want to open our heart and be hurt again. We may even condemn that part for being stupid enough to  expose us to hurt. Have you ever loved someone deeply and had your heart broken?

I have learned there is amazing value in reclaiming that part of me that has loved another by healing through the hurt and opening my heart in love to them again. Then I can fully love and reclaim the part of me that loved them. This does not require that person to be in my life though that can help. There are a number of people who I love deeply that I don’t expect to ever connect with again. However I am freer as a person as a result of the healing process. I have reclaimed those loving parts of me, and don’t have to waste energy protecting myself in those areas.

I have had some fabulous experiences where I have enjoyed the fruits of engaging with my healing process related to someone and then, out of the blue, having them reconnect with me. One such experience was reuniting with my father who I had not had contact with for 40 years, and for much of that time had not known or cared whether he was alive or dead. When I did meet him, having already healed the past as much as possible, I was better able to deal with whatever arose in real time. Healing relationships with those we have loved is more about reclaiming ourselves than any specific outcome with the other person. Whatever we do, they may not wish to reconnect. In doing our work we become freer and better able to live life fully.

Stepping Into New Places

Every time you step into something new there are potential threats and opportunities. There is the unknown that may stir up fears within you, and also there are the hopes of something worthwhile, else you would be unlikely to venture forward. Stepping into a new space is a new birth and carries vulnerability, the uncertainty and the ignorance of what exists beyond the place you’re at. There can be a significant sense of aloneness and fragility like a butterfly emerging from its’ cocoon. At such times it is great to be companioned by true friends, those who you trust and who offer a degree of safety and prior experience as you learn to grow and expand in the new world. And when you cannot find someone to trust, then is a truly good time to feel a strong connection with your own self, and be open to trusting your capacity to cope with whatever may come your way, even if you have little reason to know how you will manage.