In The Zone

Guidance and companionship
Two companions journeying together

Last weekend I co-facilitated a weekend for men, and came away energised and enthused. When I work in alignment with my purpose I experience ease and lightness in my being. I become more energised, enthused and engaged with life, and have complete certainty I am doing what I am meant to be doing. When I am off purpose I get tired and restless even if I am satisfied from doing a good job; on purpose, I soar.

I have several deeply held statements of vision, purpose and contract with myself that ground me in my life. When I drift from them I feel a degree of disturbance that highlights the distance, and that acts as a call to return. The statement that sings most fully to me at present is: I am the wise guide who walks with and walks by the weary traveller at the temple of love and transformation. For me, this speaks to how I function when I work with others through transformative periods and processes. I do have value to offer. The other person is there as a self-directed, autonomous being. My contribution arises from having been through significant transformation as I have journeyed through life, and carrying the wisdom of such experience. I am available, have much to offer, and it is the traveller’s own choice whether to engage with me. It is also for them to determine what to adopt of what I have to offer. As a guide I offer or invite. Compulsion, coercion and demand have no place.

The joy for me from last weekend was from profoundly engaging with men who chose to have me as their guide, who fully owned their desire to create something more workable in their lives, and who courageously stepped forward and did their work. I was present. I offered suggestions, support and invitations along the way. The results were and are all theirs. They continue their journey owning their own wisdom that I may have assisted them to connect with.

The process of engaging with your own work, deciding to transform your life, and to step forward into the unknown with determination is an extremely courageous and powerfully liberating act. My privilege is to be party to some precious moments as an invited guide. When I am in that space, I know I am in my zone, doing the work that aligns with my purpose.

Do you know what your purpose is and where your zone is?

 

The FACT of Life

Father with son in play
Supported learning process

Life is full of its surprises and moments. There are some that catch us off guard, with only subtle differences from other situations where we have succeeded against all odds, yet in this instance we come crashing down. From the outside observer it could almost feel random, yet within us there is something new and uncharted that makes the result no less shocking but perhaps less surprising.

We have roles we develop from the moment we are born. Survival functions include eating, eliminating waste, learning and coping. We might have a role of “playful eater” which our parents sometimes found funny, and at other times got angry with us, perhaps because that moment seemed less cute, especially as they were in a rush to go out. The “Inquisitive Learner” is something toddlers are well known for, getting into everything.

As we develop and experience life, we develop roles for each context of life that we encounter, the collection of roles comprising our personality. As we enter a new context we may be able to borrow capacities from similar roles, but there is a period of vulnerability as you familiarise yourself with new areas of development, particularly when there are areas of functioning required in the role that you have not developed. Each role can be underdeveloped, embryonic, adequate, or overdeveloped in some aspect.

Each role consists of Feelings, Actions and Thoughts, and are used within a Context. FACT is an easy acronym for remembering them. When we lack a fullness of expression across any of the feelings, actions and thoughts, we are underdeveloped. Where they exist but have not achieved adequate expression in the given context, they are embryonic. Those that we over rely on, that are patterned behaviour, and that therefore get in the way of us fully, spontaneously and creatively living life are overdeveloped.

Whether moving into a new position at work, starting a new relationship with someone, embarking on a new adventure, or seeking to learn a new skill, we have many unknowns and among those there are roles we will need that we don’t fully embody. That is a great time to consider your preparedness and the possibility of some form of coaching support that can provide you assist you bring to the fore and strengthen those roles that you need to succeed. In a new situation you don’t know what you don’t know, and to have someone that can assist you gain the FACT of life can be a fantastic way to walk with confidence into new environments, responsibilities and relationships.