I Don’t Want To!

I Don't Want To!
You can’t make me! I don’t want to!

A factor that often influences our ability to achieve goals is the voice from within, perhaps accompanied by a stamping foot of a temper tantrum, “I don’t want to.” Why not? You know you need to, and perhaps want to, reduce weight, give up smoking, be more sociable, or whatever else it happens to be. Yet some voice within you resists. And when you attempt to carry out the goal other forms of resistance occur – procrastination, lapsing back into and bingeing on what you’re wanting to give up, or a strong voice in the head saying “You can’t do that. You’re useless” (or other such messaging). All manner of pressure may arise from within to stop you succeeding.

I have found that when this happens to me the part of me that does not want to do the “thing” is a three or four year old child within me. That is how it is functioning. And the messaging is what I heard from my nearest and dearest when I was growing up, or how I interpreted what I experienced.

Both the age of your internal voice and your nature of your messaging may be different. However many of the ingredients are likely to be similar, and so will the resolution.

With the child, become its loving parent and friend, someone it learns to trust to keep it safe, stay with and who will provide a sound environment to develop in. This includes providing the some firm, clear boundaries around what is acceptable, and some good reasons for those boundaries. Being your own parent is not easy. It takes practice and time.

With the negative messaging, you’ll need to reframe it into something positive, teach that critical part of yourself that what it is saying is neither correct nor acceptable. Be a role model to the critic, loving it as you want it to love you. That may go against years of patterning, but making that change can bring ease to your internal world.